Of Love and other Drugs.

I feel this to be very true, because disillusion appears to me as the highest illusion. Or what appears real to our eyes, our socio-economic and every day reality is just another illusion which everyone believes to be real only because they are a part of it. What if I clinch on to the complete reality? That we, our earth is just a pale blue dot in the great dark matter; That what I see, hear and feel are just the interpretations of my brain; That all the things in thus world, including my body, are just some chemical compounds made of particles called atom? Indeed, it appears to be eccentric. Gives nothing to live on. Hence the challenge is to be in illusion. Perhaps some concrete illusion which appears to be real.

Since what appears real to most is just an illusion to me, I had to deconstruct my own. I do not wish to comment on religious reality which everyone knows. Instead I mention that our social life is mostly constructed on it. And about our republics and nationalism, I know people before me lived here on earth, not needing a passport to go on a voyage, not needing a citizenship to settle in an island. They could belong to the whole world; they were humans, not citizens. But that days are gone. Our current socio-economic reality is too narrow to fit my intellect.

So as I no longer be a part of the world I live, at leat by my full heart, I had to take refuge in something. Not to get rid of my suffering by any means, but to find some meaning in it. To make some sense in my immense suffering and the pain I bear just to survive.

I will have to die sooner or later. And it will be the end of my illusions, and the reality which I may never know. So I took my refuge in Love and other Drugs. I do not wish to mention the drugs here, but I have to say at least this. I do not use it to create any illusions. Instead I use it to stay in my illusion, my comfort zone, it saves me from all the distractions around.

And about love, saviour of my life. It is when my thoughts were heading to madness in search of meaning, love stepped in to my life and presented me something to clinch on. I am in love with an angel who comes to me in my dreams every night. She talks to me; vanishes all my pain with a word; kisses me and goes. She never promised to come again. But I keep myself alive every other day to talk to her again. Would she ever come to me in real? I do not know. But all I know is what she said to me of my life, and all the art I make to present her.